Diary of a Dreamer in MAGA Country: Week 9

Rally & Retch

Originally published on Medium

Eleven Thousand People. Ten percent of Greeley, Colorado’s population. A small city in a very red county. We have been in the national news 3 times before this week: the 2006 immigration raid, the 2020 Covid outbreak at JBS, and the 2024 bird flu chicken culling. This week we were on the news for pulling a massive unexpected crowd at the Bernie/AOC #FightTheOligarchy rally.

Colorado itself made the news several times this week. Denver rallied 34 thousand people; Bernie’s biggest rally so far. It was so surprising and …cautiously hopeful; or was it? Was last week the week to praise hope for?

What is hope?

“a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen….a feeling of trust.” -Oxford Languages

Do we have trust right now?

What else is there to do but hope…

I am not a hopeful person. It isn’t my strongsuit. I am pessimistic to the core. I fight to see the glass at all. But I know better than to despair. I know we need hope for resillience. We need hope for growth. We need hope to survive. In my mom’s group we planted blind seeds to see what God might bloom for us this season… something to hope for.

I am planting potatoes this year— peppers, onions, tomatoes, cilantro; flavor and sustenance. We need survival. Flowers can wait this year. I need substance. We all need substance.

What good is a big crowd that won’t feed the homeless. What good is a big crowd that won’t stop the planes from taking off? What good is a big crowd still debating the worth of humans with family members that only see hate? What good is anything we do if people keep dying while we post protest pictures. memes don’t stop bombs.

I don’t know how to see hope.

The Democratic Party as it stands is still largely useless in making definitive statements and policy moves that can unify the movement in order to be effective at resisting this administration. Most of them don’t seem to like Bernie or AOC much. They let the right throw Crocket and any other people of color right under buses and call it decorum. They do some of the pushing. They sign away our hope. We make jokes. How many mothers cried for their dead children this past week? How many bombs did the new budget bill pay for? They should explain exactly how many lives make a government shutdown worth it; where must those lives live to count as worthy?

is this too pessimistic? are the new Krome Detention Center allegations too jarring to share here? is it lighter to talk about the leaked group chats where our country’s leaders used emojis to confirm the airstrikes that will be seen as bright lights in the night sky by mortified children… “Hegseth was probably drunk”, they joke on Threads and Bluesky; we don’t use Twitter anymore… Isn’t it funny how Trump hates his painting in Colorado’s state’s capitol. What a silly demand that my state surely and quickly complied to… it is so funny how we all think Trump looks better there than in real life, right? everything looks better when it’s a little funny, right? even Trump-supporting Cubans are losing their protected status now, there’s humor in that irony, right?

... right?

I feel tired. I feel anxious. I feel conflicted. I feel sick.

I’m told I should just… stop watching the news, stop scrolling. Just let things be. What is supposed to happen will happen. God will make it all work out. Just don’t focus on those things!

Don’t think about these things;

don’t think about whether it is safe to update my address with USCIS when I move; i’m required to update it within 10 days… don’t think about my step-dad’s fear about going to his court date for his Permanent Residency: he’s from one of those countries, he’d look good for a propaganda video… don’t think about whether my brothers have their birth certificates and passports; are they ready, unexpired, and accessible?… don’t think about my dad’s flight into a major airport next month; what uniforms do customs officers wear?… don’t think about the IRS sharing your data: they have to care about the tax payers more than… now their asking for green card holder’s socials; what have I shared with my friends on Facebook? should they stop posting their support; maybe it is good some of them have never supported me…

…don’t think about anything that matters, you won’t matter when they take you anyways; why worry now, just live and be grateful, you’re so blessed…

I’m too pessimistic.

I should have more hope. Trust the process; this is the country of liberty and justice for all… Here goes the hope:

There’s more people who agree with you than those that don’t. Even more people just don’t care enough to count. Most people don’t even vote. Less people are actively trying to harm you. And the very few who are actually doing the harm are not smart enough to hide what they want to do. There’s plenty of books explaining what will happen next. We will keep fighting.

We will keep up the hope; but the hope is in doing, we can’t trust what has never worked. This country has never truly been free. Plant potatoes. Share your fruits. Memes and good vibes are not enough. AOC can’t run in 2028 if NO ONE CAN RUN. We need substance behind these leaders.

Don’t give them a cent until we know what is true. Stop the hero worship. Give your money, your views, your likes, your support — your trust — to the people doing the work and to the people they are helping. They’re out there, shouting about mutual aid, zinnes and resources and feeding their neighbors, making themselves targets. Go do that too.

Help the poor, the oppressed, the defenseless, the weary…

“…it is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights” — Proverbs 31:4–5

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” — Proverbs 31:8–9

Photo by Mathias Reding on Unsplash of a withering dying rose in a dark atmostsphere.