Diary of a Dreamer in MAGA Country: Week 13 & 14

Everything and Nothing

Originally published on Medium

I’ve been busy. The last two weeks, it seems, a lot has happened, and a lot hasn’t. If I wasn’t plugged into the socials world, I would think nothing of matter has changed. Unaffected and apathetic are most people. I see this everyday. Life continues, for those it continues for.

The Pope died. I am not Catholic but my family is. I recognize the importance and reverance moments like this deserve. Easter Sunday was quite the exit… meeting Vance right before, was pure Godly humor; we are in a T.V. show after all.

Mahmoud's child was born. He missed the birth. This made me cry. I can’t imagine how horrible this must have been. Of all the fears and possible futures to avoid, being separated from my child is the only thing I cannot think of. We are cruel.

We no longer have a sense of logic, or empathy, or reality. Did the president alter photos, tattoos, headlines… people? We know some have disappeared. Many lives have changed, permanently. We don’t recover from this easily.

I have seen people complain about their benefits being cut on Facebook. I’m sure the commenters explaining who is at fault will change their views. I wonder if mothers who’ve lost their children care about U.S. politics.

White Nationalists are putting posters up around my town. Their using the language, the slogans, of popular conservatives. That should mean something. “Deport Invaders”. “America First”. You might fall into their view of invaders though. It’s not just us Latine folk in their view. The signs are too high for me to reach. I rest in knowing most of the people waiting at the Paisanos bus stop won’t notice or know what these people put there. I want to not notice these things.

I want to rest. I want to start a bath with lavender and eucalyptus and forget. I want to focus on buying decor and organization bins. I want to sit and watch videos of people choosing colors for their laundry rooms and I want to not care about the rubble and the concrete walls and the hard floors. I was to focus on making the perfect cup of coffee. I want to be free.

What is there to say at this point. We are in limbo. Courts are being ignored and it means nothing so far. Orders are being sent that can’t be enforced unless we let them. We probably will. People are mad but nothing is happening. We are all waiting to see the fruits of the efforts of others. Will they suffer for their labor? We will find out too late. Or will we even know.

Maybe they’ll take some really good press pictures…

I liked what Pope Francis stood for, atleast what the headlines said he cared about. He pushed for change in a world where he had the most power and the most resistance to change. Where the Vatican once influenced the law of the land, it now rightly symbolizes the evil and greed we all wish would just disappear from this world. It was a little too late too influence who it needed to. I fear we are set in place for more regression to take place. To some, everything is a sign or a symbol. Death on Easter, what is being birth now?

I’m setting up my child’s homeschooling classroom next. I need to hurry and download and print everything I need. Decorations can come later. My seedlings haven’t sprouted yet. I don’t know if I’ve waited long enough.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” — Isaiah 30:15

Photo of poster promoting white nationalist propagranda group.

“For these are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the Lord’s instruction. They say to the seers, “See no more visions!” and to the prophets,“Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions. Leave this way, get off this path, and stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!” Therefore this is what the Holy One of Israel says: “Because you have rejected this message, relied on oppression and depended on deceit, this sin will become for you like a high wall, cracked and bulging, that collapses suddenly, in an instant. It will break in pieces like pottery, shattered so mercilessly that among its pieces not a fragment will be found for taking coals from a hearth or scooping water out of a cistern.” — Isaiah 30:9–14

Patriot Front White Nationalist group’s mission statement asserting European Descendents as true Americans only.