Diary of a Dreamer in MAGA Country: Week 12

Originally published on Medium

Death and Dying

it’s time to say it my eyes won’t close my ears hear it all it’s time to say it…

If I was a historian,  a professor —  studied, cited,  — official

…i’d say the thing  when it needs to be said… my privilege would save lives… …but i’m just a dreamer.

Well, atleast it seems, we won’t be alone  for too long. We’re all Dreamers now.

My stomach is telling me that I should be leaving. My stomach is telling me that I am being stupid. My stomach feels sick. My mind is confused. My soul scared. God, help us. 

I am a “history buff”, specifically WW2. I’ve watched every Hitler documentary on Netflix. I used to find it interesting. I thought, how did this happen? …and then I thought, “this sounds too much like what is happening here”. I was watching Timothy Snyder talk about the rise of illiberal democracies on youtube for “fun”.

I had a conspiracy theory. If all the wild theories online were true…wouldn’t it make most sense to target immigrants? White dudes were making videos about reptillians and the elites coming after them and I was seeing the shift in online anarchy groups. Where they once talked about bootlickers and debated An-Cap vs An-Com, they were now posting blue lines and confederate flags. I saw this coming. 

What good is seeing what’s coming if you can’t move. 

The Supreme Court voted, and the wordplay has begun — a man’s life matters less than the headlines for the pundits. They debate the specifics of the orders given while ignoring the plain quotations “homegrown are next”. Will the next five camps also have bloodred stains on their yards? It is probably nothing…we are being paranoid. Confirmation bias is strong.

Privacy and Due Process mean very little now. DHS is working with the IRS. The SAVE Act will be signed soon. Laken Riley was used for political gain. Some people are actually going through with registering. The military is guarding the border. They’ll be reading what we share online, they’ll see this. We won’t be allowed to fly anymore soon, my ID won’t have the blessed star. The irony is too strong. God, help us.

What am I supposed to do here; tell poor people to leave, tell afraid people to be scared, tell faithful people to hope less? I can’t. If I did it wouldn’t matter. The plan is going strong. We live on. Day by day. What else is there to do? Live and pray. Survive. Good thing it runs in our blood. 

What did the people “back then” do to change the tides? They didn’t. It festered and hid. Generations passed down their hate. Better plans were made. Is humanity nothing but human? Is it our fate; the seed of sin? Does every generation live in the End Times? Well, some don’t live…will we?

We are a faithful people, persecuted often — struck — used — but we survive; never abandoned, never destroyed, and they hate that about us. Our deaths will never meet their needs, their hate blinds them from the path of light. We stay on — renewed, rooted, fruitful; living. 

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‘Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.’ –Romans 8:35-37